The Grass is Always Greener Syndrome, and Social Media…

Social media: Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram for example (at least the ones I troll around on) are breeding grounds for “the grass is always greener on the other side’s” thoughts and feelings that end up running through your head. (My husband kind of came up with this, so I can’t take full credit for the idea, but I’ll expand on it).

The internet is a great place for validation, but with that comes frustration, hurting feelings unintentionally and can bring up emotions that can make you feel crappy about what’s happening in your life.

I try to be a positive person, and I have not always been that way.  So I keep things positive, and maybe making a status update is almost like making an “affirmation” and hoping for awesomeness to happen.

At least three times a day, well at least over this past winter that is NEVER ENDING, I get anxious and depressed, and sometimes even cry.  I look at status updates and photos of people doing things in tropical locations that look fun, and I get envious that right now it’s cold in New York City, and obsess over certain things I have no control over.

With this also comes the self-doubt with career stuff.

So tonight I came home from my “night job” (yes some writers have night jobs), and my husband showed me this amazing audio/visual piece that Ira Glass, from This American Life, came up with. 

Really, it’s worth a listen.

So I keep on trying and doing…it’s going well.  It’s an on-going process. No one, and nothing is an overnight success, it takes years.

If you want to be on This American Life (I’ve submitted to them several times) you’re lucky to hear back if you pitch them…but that’s half of the battle…the other half is having an interesting enough topic that will make it past the editors of the show.  Something with a chance that has been referred to as “being struck by lighting”.

I was interviewed for them, the story didn’t make the cut-for various reasons-but I made it past the halfway point, because I have kept trying.

I had a book deal that fell through six years ago. It was deemed to be “unsellable”, again for various reasons.  So I took a few months and cried about it.  Then I went out on a limb, and found a new literary agent that helped me start a project, and helped see me through it.  It’s in progress, and it has been long and very enjoyable, but it is not easy.

I had an awesome interview lined up, it fell through for NOW…but it’s not dead in the water and I won’t stop trying.

I think what I’ve finally come to learn is that things aren’t handed to you on a plate, it takes hard work, trying, and trying and trying again…just like Ira Glass says in that video.

What I didn’t status update about today?  The chicken special at work made me feel sick, and I threw up, had explosive diarrhea, came home early from work with a headache and cried. (Yeah that’s TMI, but you know what, EVERYONE has had diarrhea at least at one point in their lives) So, yeah.  The grass wasn’t that green when I was in the toilet.

But I’m never going to stop trying and neither should you.  Also, be wary of “new” specials at work…and seriously check out the Ira Glass link.



A Really Superficial Beauty Blog…

I’ve spent this whole week working on substantial things in life.

Now I’m going to de-stress by sharing some beauty items that I enjoy.

This tube of Lip Balm from H&M was $3.21 after tax.  Works pretty well.1653865_10151867792036367_1191857005_n

I am also debating chopping off my hair and having a blonde bob.

I REFUSE to set up a Pinterest board, so I have looked at some other person’s board for inspiration.


Blonde Bobs 




Life…and thereafter…

I once took a cab home and got into a conversation with the driver about superficial things.  I do not remember anything specific that we discussed, but when I got out of his car, he looked at me and sincerely said:

“I wish you the best and I hope you have a nice life.” There was no sarcasm, just genuine friendliness

It struck me as odd, but I knew that I would probably never see him again.  I haven’t as far as I know.

I think one of the interesting things in life is there are so many sides to someone, that we can’t possibly see or know everything there is to know about them.  Even the ones closest to us in our own families.

I had no idea my grandfather was a glider mechanic and served in World War 2.  I know there are many other things I don’t know about him, or my other relatives that have passed away…and I’m sad because there are things I will never know.  These are people I will never see again.  I guess the thought of never seeing him again is still foreign and setting in. imgres-3

(This is not him, but a pic from google images)

And here is his obituary.



My Grandfather Dune Beard.

When I was around 14 my grandfather and I saw Placido Domingo perform at the Ak-sar-ben Coliseum in Omaha.  There is a picture of us standing together all dressed up before we went to the concert.  It’s at my parents house and I need to find it.  We managed to sneak backstage afterwards and meet Placido himself.

My grandfather passed away last night.  He was 90 years old.  Known as Dune. Aka: Ross “Dune” Beard, but everyone called him Dune.  He worked in the auto-salvage business.  He loved trains, morning coffee, and would bring us donuts whenever we’d go visit him in Oklahoma, actually the “Donut Fairy” was the one who really brought the donuts, according to him. (They were Winchell’s Donuts if I remember correctly).

There was a 90th birthday celebration for him over the spring, and I’m happy that I was able to be there with my family.  I’m pretty sure he loved it, although the birthday cake my Aunt had ordered wasn’t what she, or any of us, expected in a dulce de leche cake.  It was still a great day.  You only turn 90 once, if you’re lucky enough…and he was.

I am so sad that he is gone.  He died peacefully, with most of his family around him, and just in time to join my grandmother Yvonne up in heaven for Valentines Day.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman

I’m getting ready to go on a cross country flight with NO wifi.  I knew I should’ve picked Virgin or Delta…but seriously.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman.  Seriously amazing and talented individual.  He was sober for over 20 years, and fell back into addiction.  People say, “Well that’s a waste of talent.”  It’s unfortunate, but it’s more of a loss.  A horrible sad loss.  Many people who don’t know about addiction and it’s struggles can’t grasp the reality that it’s a LIFE LONG struggle.  Yes you can go get help, go to rehab.  But pardon my French, It’s FUCKING HARD.

You can get help and get support and attend meetings but addiction is something that’s varies from person to person.  It’s never easy.

Let’s get this very clear.  You go to rehab, you leave=you are cured.

NO, you are not magically cured, you may have detoxed from the substances you’ve abused and leaned on in the past, but you have to always be on your toes and 100% aware of your surroundings.  It is not easy.  There are still the emotional issues that brought you to your addiction to begin with.  When you’re clean and sober you’re fully aware of what’s going on around you and it can be terrifying to deal with no matter how many days, months, and years of sobriety you have.

It’s an on-going process and something you have to be aware of on a daily basis.