Is This Normal?

Shopping online when I wake up, coming off of my sleeping aids is almost as dangerous as shopping when I’m half asleep at night.  This is my latest downfall:

Gilt Group

Does it look good to you?  If it does message me and I’ll send you an “invite” to join and you’ll get a special prize (and I will too for getting people to sign’s win win).

I don’t know what possessed me to buy the “designer tea set” that was advertised the other day on the site, but I did.  It was around $40.  Does it matter that I don’t even drink tea?  I guess not.  I made the purchase promptly when I awoke, then coming to terms later after my morning coffee what I had done.  I mean it could be a lot worse.  I hate that a website can make something such as a glass tea pot look so enticing and pretty and get away for selling it for $40 to a non-tea drinker…but I guess that’s what aesthetic marketing can do for products.  The tea pot looked so magical I couldn’t not buy it…when it arrives in the mail, it’s just going to look like a glass bowl unless I actually make the effort to brew the special tea concoction that it comes with.  I can only thank God that they had “sold out” of the Fendi and Furla bags they had on sale the other day before I had a chance to buy something else I didn’t really need.  Whenever I leave my apartment, I restrict myself to the gym and Starbucks, to avoid making any other unnecessary purchases.


For my New School Writing buddies, (well…Jonathan you’re probably the ONLY one I really have who reads this, but I’m too lazy to email you right now), the KSG piece is FINALLY being sent out into the literary world for evaluation and hopefully publication.  Basically…I’ve written an essay and been editing and “sitting” on it for almost two years out of fear of rejection by a specific popular column.  I’ve learned that you never know what can happen unless you put yourself out there and try…so I guess that’s what I’m finally going to do.  Send it out, cross my fingers, hope for the best and expect the unexpected…kind of how I deal with life on a day to day basis.

What’s worse than drunk internet shopping late at night?

Shopping online after taking a prescribed benzo to fall asleep is NOT recommended.  “I’m not drunk…I’m not making any bad choices!” I tell myself as I click on “buy now”.  My rule of thumb is that I only buy things I really NEED for survival.  You know, like stuff from the Apple store, music, coffee, and groceries, maybe a bra or some panties from time to time…by the grace of God I managed to avoid purchasing the “vanity” running dress from Lululemon Athletica for $98.  Why must they call it a “running dress” if they advise you in the store to NOT run in it?


I think it’s pretty obvious that I enjoy things in mass quantities.  In lieu of Sugar Free Red Bull, and it’s cola cousin, I am now chugging sodium free seltzer water and having it delivered to me. All this thanks to Fresh Direct .  The world’s most amazing grocery delivery service in New York that makes shopping for food and household items in bulk, almost as fun as going to the Apple Store.

When I take a sleeping aid (like I did the other night) in my hallucinatory/half sleepy state, I thought it would be a great idea to go grocery shopping!  That half pound bag of edamame seemed like a fun purchase at the time…but more like a WTF when I woke up the next morning.  I’m sure there are worse things to buy than frozen soybeans though, so I’m not beating myself up about it…too much.

Now I have to be confined to my apartment for up to two hours tomorrow.  I will anxiously awaiting the SIX cases of Seltzer and various other random items I bought, because it seemed like a good idea at the time.  One odd thing was they were out of toliet paper for delivery until the first week of May.  At least I can go to the deli for that.


So I just stumbled upon this website:

I think I’m getting sucked in…I may do some late night shopping and buy this.  It’s the commercial they show on the site.  It looks so fun and easy and I could actually save money by purchasing a Soda Stream…it would take up so much less space than the SIX cases that are arriving and going to be scattered around my apartment.  God help me.

I Got Flowers!…and a few other random things…

I got flowers tonight.  Very exciting thing for me.  Very.  Of course in the middle of my happy dreamlike state I got a bizarre text from my ex that said, “Part of me still misses you.”

“Which part?” my date said who brought me the flowers.

“Yeah…exactly.  Like which part?  His d**k?”.

To the ex who texted me.  I wish you no ill will.  Thank you for a text that I guess was a meant as a compliment.

My flowers are lovely and sitting on top of my dresser and have made my evening.


Here’s something I’ve pulled out of my ass, but hey, it’s good advice.  Gluten free is the way to be.  Avoiding gluten has really helped me lose and now maintain weight.  If you do decide to try a gluten free lifestyle, keep in mind your body may go through a slight adjustment phase.


Ugh…I think they didn’t give me decaf like I asked for at Starbucks earlier….oh well…like being up late is a shocker.

Now I’m Just Fooling Myself…

Did you know that Red Bull Cola has all natural ingredients?

Look here:


Unlike it’s energy drink “cousin”…Red Bull Cola using some pretty amazing extracts and REAL SUGAR….rather than the fructose crap you get in regular sodas.

I like Red Bull Cola so much that I had THREE jumbo cans in a row tonight.  I kept telling myself, surely this is okay…it’s “natural” and safer.  I do not have the jittery rage that I usually have after having sugar free Red Bull at work.  I do wonder if I brought in a can of the cola to work, if it’d be confiscated from me?  I don’t think I’ll be trying that anytime soon.

My friend told me tonight that he was going to cut me off from Red Bull Cola, unless we were going to make a night out of drinking them.  I appreciate that.  It’s now almost 5:30 am, and I’m wide awake, cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, I guess I’m doing everything that I’d be doing tomorrow but won’t be because I’ll be sleeping all day.  I love you Red Bull!

Another night at the office…

So last night I’m sitting with a customer, and a floorhost comes up to me.

“Umm….someone is asking for you by first and last name.”

I’m thinking this is odd because usually if I have a friend that wants to come in, they give me the heads up.  So in strolls a guy who says, “Are you Randi Newton?”  and I say yes, and he shakes my hand.  “It’s awesome to meet you!  Tell me about Morgan Stanley!”  So we start chatting and he seems like a cool guy, and I’m curious how he’s suddenly got wind of my story, since it’s been a year since the media blitz.  It was kind of cool.  He told me he had been considering leaving his 9-5 job, which was also in finance.  I told him to look into working for Rick’s.  There are job opps for men there too (no not stripping).  He told me he’d send me his resume and I said I’d pass it on.  When he left he said, “Bye Randi Newton!”

The floorhost was kind enough to watch the whole scenario.  “It’s a little creepy, like stalkerish right?” he said, genuinely concerned.

“Oh no…this kind of thing usually doesn’t happen.  I kind of feel like Santa Claus.”  Maybe I should set up a chair in the front and charge for Polaroids.



I will be doing a reading at the Sex Workers Literari in June.  I’ll be reading a personal essay about my experience at Rick’s Cabaret, the NY Post/O’Reilly Factor media blitz, and how my life has changed in a positive way since all of that happened.  Date will be posted as soon as I have it!

My Review on LATISSE…

As promised another “As seen on TV” review


This stuff really works.  I do not have before or after pics taken to prove that it does, but Latisse isn’t paying me a dime to write this, I’m doing it out of my own free will.  And NO that’s NOT my eye above, it’s just something I took from google.


You will have loooooong lashes.

You apply it sparingly with a provided brush ONCE a night before bedtime.


It will take MONTHS at least three of consistent daily use to get those loooooong lashes.

People only noticed my long lashes if I was wearing mascara, unlike with eyelash extensions I could “get up and go” without bothering with makeup.

It can cause permanent iris discoloration if you have light eyes.  NOTE: I have GREEN eyes…I did NOT experience this side effect.

Now I’m not saying that Lattise caused my recent eye infection that was an allergic reaction to “something”, my optometrist wouldn’t confirm or deny that either, but seemed to encourage me to “not use it for awhile”.

I used Latisse for approximately 8 months before I kicked the habit.  My lashes were plenty long, you can switch to applying the product every other day-or 2-3 times a week for maintenance.

My lashes have become noticeably shorter since I stopped.  Yes, I’m saddened about this…but wanting long luxurious eyelashes was purely a vanity issue.  I can do without them…although I’ll probably get extensions for fun again in the near future.

You can get Latisse from ANY Doctor.  It is not available for over the counter purchase as of now.  It’s approximately $150 for a month’s supply and is not covered by insurance, although I’m sure there’s always some loophole that can be created (I’m surprised I didn’t think of one myself)

Any questions, comments much appreciated.

The Red Bull Ban Persists…

So I was invited to have dinner tonight at the club with my good pal Ronnie Mund, (Ronnie the Limo Driver from the Howard Stern Show).  The management was nice enough to let me join him, even though it was my night off.

At first I had no desire to have a Red Bull.  I really didn’t, but then the peer pressure began.  People were talking about Red Bull.  I wasn’t working, I was off the clock…surely I could have one, right?  Just to make sure, Ronnie ordered one for me.


“I’m sorry but you are not allowed to have Red Bull at this table unless it’s served with alcohol.”  Of course this would be said, because I’ve told the club I’m currently not drinking since it’s my night off.  That made me want a Red Bull even MORE.

We left the club, Ronnie bought me two Red Bulls at a deli.  I got my “fix”.  Now it’s almost 6:00 am and I cannot sleep and I feel kind of crappy and wish I wouldn’t of had a Red Bull at all.

Ronnie and I went to karaoke, along with another friend of ours and sang a duet.  Good times!

Thursday…Tax Day…

I had two interviews today.  One went good, very good.  One went BAD. Very bad.  The annoying thing about having a blog is that anyone can read it, so I can’t really go into detail as much as I’d like to about a number of things.  If either one of the interviewers reads this blog, they will have no idea if I’m talking about them or not.  I interview well, and I’m polite, even when these interview things go wrong.  With that said, I was highly annoyed today.  At least the weather is splendid.


I’ve realized that whenever I leave my house, I “wander” into stores and spend money on things that I do not need.  Once again I found myself strolling to Central Park, almost making it to the Apple Store, then realized that the consequences would not be good if I went there, considering I just sent a hefty check to the IRS.  So I went into Walgreens instead, one of the last stores that still has Easter candy on sale, now for 75% off…however they’re all out of Reeses Peanut Butter Cup and Cadbury Eggs.  Now it’s just stale Peeps on sale.  Of course I could just buy Reeses Peanut Butter Cups…but there’s something about the Easter ones that taste more fresh and magical.  Seasonal candy is always fresher.