January kind of sucks.  It’s been exactly a month since Christmas and no matter where I am-New York or Los Angeles, it’s kind of cold and gross.  Are suicide rates up in the month of January?  Seriously…it’s like the longest month ever and I’m glad it’s almost over.

On the upside…I think my holiday weight is slowly but surely melting off.

After I ate 80 ounces of Rice Pudding from Rice to Riches in a span of 24 hours, I think that really put a stop to my holiday eating binges…at least for the time being.

Please allow me to share some things with you that have made my winter more bearable.

I bought a “sweat belt” for $5.00 at TjMaxx!

This is not me...I stole this from Google.

Can I say that I’ve been wearing this obsessively for the past 3 days.  It WORKS.  Well…I’ve gotten a heat rash and it’s kind of gross, but my stomach is DEFINITELY flatter, and I’ve been eating KIND of healthier.  So feeling skinnier makes me feel happier.

Fill your apartment or house with something that smells like summer!

mmm....coconut!

I got this candle at TJMaxx too!  The scent of coconut is so overpowering after about an hour I need to blow it out.  I feel like it’s warm though when I smell coconut and beachy things.

This tastes HORRIBLE but works.

I’ve been fighting a cold off and on for the past month.  This stuff knocks me out so hard I feel like I’ve been roofied.  I don’t know if that’s good for some of you or not, but I have trouble sleeping and cannot take Ambien so this does just fine.  It tastes AWFUL, but it’s worth it.  To jazz it up, I put it in a fun tumbler so I can feel like I’m a little glamourous while I’m drinking it.

This Phillips Lamp is supposed to work too.  I haven’t been using mine this year…I think I need to get it out and recharge it…I’ll let you know if my mood is drastically altered the next time I blog.

Do you have a wedding date set?

No we do not have one set.  I will happily let you know when we do.

Does this concern you?

No.  We are happy and very much in love.  If you’re asking this because you’d like to get us a wedding present, you can feel free to just give us one now…that would be awesome!

What exactly is it that you do?

I am a freelance writer.

What kind of things do you write about?

I specialize in personal comedic non-fiction essays with deeper meaning than meets the eye.  Pop culture, health/beauty, relationship advice, the strip club industry/sex industry, and the entertainment industry.

I have been published and had a semi-regular column in a trade magazine.  I’m happy to email samples if requested.  I was also recently published here at xojane! Something I’m totally proud and pumped about.

Did you write a book?  When is it coming out?

Yeah, I wrote a book.  Two years ago, I got a book deal, and alas it fell through…which was a total bummer.  So I decided to start working on another one, with the world’s coolest literary agent.  It’s going great…but Rome wasn’t built overnight, nor was anyone’s writing career.  These things take time people.  So I cannot give a date at this moment on when my book is coming out.

Are you an actress?

I’ve done acting in the past.  I’m a member in good standing of the Screen Actors Guild.  I am selective in the auditions I go on…you can never be too careful.

Where do you live?

My permanent address is in New York, although I do spend a decent amount of time in Los Angeles.

Can you get me tickets to “Book of Mormon”? (yes this is a question I’m frequently asked believe it or not)

No.  I cannot.  I am not a ticket broker.

Are Your Eyelashes Real?

I get extensions from Blinglash.  I love them.  Anna is the best, ask for her.

Is that your real hair? Or do you have extensions?

It is my REAL hair.  I do NOT have extensions.  I DO have an amazing stylist, Mala.

Have you had plastic surgery or implants?

I have no shame in admitting that I’ve had Botox and some fillers.  That’s it.  No implants, lipo, nada.  I do a crap ton of cardio and Gyrotonics With Jeanne. I work out hard, and it’s not always fun…but it’s worth it and makes me feel pretty awesome.

How old are you?

Old enough to know that a lady never reveals her age.

Can you send me some writing samples?

Sure!  Let me know what your project entails, and I’d be happy to do so.  Just contact me through this blog.

That should about cover it…don’t you think?  I hope so.  Keep the questions coming, and I’m on Twitter.  If you’re nice and follow me and twee me a sweet message I may just follow you back…

Yeah, I’ve seen David Copperfield perform and was hell bent on it when I went to Vegas, and I wanted to go to this place too…but I was looking for more of a Job from “Arrested Development” experience…and I’m really pleased to say that’s EXACTLY what I got!

Job's theme song was "The Final countdown" other magicians had theme songs too at the Castle!

When you go to the castle, it’s quite a process.  You must know a member.  Thankfully, my sister had a friend of a friend of a friend, who put us on some list so we were able to get in without a problem.  We were supposed to have dinner there, but decided we weren’t hungry so we avoided the maitre’d-we didn’t want to spend a ton of cash on their pricey menu…so I ordered a club soda for $3.00 and toted that around.  No one seemed to notice us, and that was fine with me.

Another big issue in going into the castle was their STRICT dress code.  Men MUST wear suit jackets and ties, or other acceptable attire-ruffled shirts, bolo ties, bow ties etc…you know.  ”Magician” looking stuff.  NO denim.  No sneakers…you get the picture.  For the ladies, “an elegant pantsuit is acceptable”, or a cocktail dress, dress, or for lunches or brunches there, they say: “Think smart business casual.”  Don’t most corporations allow people to wear jeans now on casual Fridays?  Anyways…two girls in front of us were pleading with the hostesses about their boyfriends joining them, and that they weren’t able to go home and change into proper business attire.  No problem!  At The Magic Castle, you can RENT a pair of paint, suit, tie, even SHOES!  So good to know about the dress code options..I should’ve inquired about options for ladies not showing up in appropriate attire.

My sister wore an adorable retro-fabulous velvet suit with nice silk top and sparkly high heels, complete with panty hose, jewelry, etc…  I wore a chiffon Banana Republic dress that had been crumpled up in a plastic bag in my closet for two years with a pair of pleather flats from Target, and NO pantyhose.  I compensated by brushing my hair and wearing a dramatic shade of lipstick.  We arrived at the Castle at 6:30.  Walked up to a bookshelf that opened when we said “Open Sesame.”-and led us into the magical domain.

Sadly, no cell phones or cameras are allowed in the Castle.  So I don’t have any photos to post.  I can tell you this.  The Magic Castle reminded me of a dilapidated version of the Playboy Mansion, The Friars Club of New York, and Upright Citizens Brigade in NYC-except with a nicer selection of alcohol-on 26th street-all rolled into one.

This is from Arrested Development...but it could as easily been taken at the Magic Castle!

Magicians were sprawled out everywhere doing card tricks for anyone willing to watch.  People would line up 30 minutes in advance to see a performance by a magician in one of the three theaters they had available.  Women were wearing full on cocktail dresses and GOWNS with elbow length gloves and hats…most of the men had long hair, were in their mid to late 30′s wearing tuxedos, spats, and one did have on a ruffled shirt with an “Affliction” type emblem on his sleeve.  He did magic tricks with bubbles and a pole that floated around.  Another man did a series of magic tricks involving jalapenos and other chili pepper inspired items, and played Buster Poindexter’s “Hot Hot Hot”-my sister and I questioned whether or not he should update his theme song to “Hot in Herrrrrre” by Nelly, but decided that “Hot Hot Hot” is more of a crowd pleaser and classic.

Oddly enough we were at the Castle for over 3 hours.  That was plenty of magic for us.  We even heard two magicians argue and debate about Harry Houdini’s death while watching another one attempt to do a magic trick with a dollar bill.  I seriously considered turning a paper napkin into a rose, but didn’t want to draw any attention to myself.

When we left the castle it was PACKED.  Filled with LA women in really tight slutty dresses-magic groupies I guess?  Even more people kept rolling in….who knew the magic castle could be such a scene?

Would I go again?  Hells yeah I would!  I can’t say the experience was AMAZING…but it was highly entertaining, and like I said…If you like “Arrested Development”…you’ll LOVE  The Magic Castle!

Once again...from Arrested Development, but you can see a similar looking guy at the castle!

Anyways…more later.  Really.  I promise.

I just stumbled across the “vote for your fave contestant” wesbite, and WOW…I may have to watch all 53 of the contestant videos.  I have not voted for anyone yet…the videos are filled with a lot of variety and weirdness….I liked this girl a lot…until the Cher part…but I do think she’ll be a top contender.

I’m starting to like Miss Nevada…

Some of these are very odd…

Umm…okay…

Stepford Wife and Ballerina…

Miss Connecticut does NOT look happy...oh snap! Everyone went to Forever 21 or Bebe!

Miss Nevada, her smile says everything's okay...but her mind is racing...SH*T two other girls have on my outfit...

Let’s take a little poll.  Who do you think looks best in the outfit?  Vote and I’ll post the results later this week.

So I’ve done a few pageants myself.  I was Miss Omaha a million years ago, and my sash is still at my parents house along with a huge trophy that was bigger than our Christmas tree this year.  Here are some pics from my pageant past.

I would autograph these fliers at shopping malls and parades...

We did an opening number to a karaoke track of “Magic To Do!” from the musical “Pippin”…we all had to wear these matching purple sequin dresses…

Action shot!

This is a picture of me preparing to get ready for the interview portion of the pageant…note my subtle up-do, the heavy blush I applied, the whore red lipstick, the high waisted khaki’s, and my Swatch.

Changed and ready to go home, after I knew I bombed the interview portion.  I am crying hysterically…

Swimsuit competition, way before MAO made it kosher to wear bikinis.

There are NO words for this picture…

On that note…I’ll blog later…pardon me while I go flat iron my hair…

For example…

I’d like to lose 5 pounds (I really want to lose 10, but if I say 5 I can “trick” myself into maybe losing an extra 5 pounds).

I’m going to cut down on how much caffeine I have each day, instead of 10 Red Bulls, I will only have 5! (this means I will only have 7 Red Bulls, I can go halfway)

Yeah, maybe I’m contradicting myself here…but let’s face it who really accomplishes their resolutions?

I’m going to start wearing “real” clothes.  What do I mean by this?  I mentioned wearing leg warmers to dinner for New Years Eve to one of my closest friends.  He gave me a shocking reality check.  He told me that for the past three years he’s only seen me in workout attire.  I’m not even a personal trainer…so I can go halfway by wearing leg warmers AND high heels…

Did anyone see Jane Fonda on tv the other morning? She's still rockin' out the legwarmers...

If you want to quit smoking say you’ll only have ONE pack a day instead of two…(even if you already smoke a pack a day!) See!  Accomplishing resolutions CAN WORK!

Want to quit drinking?  Say you’ll only have one bottle of wine rather than two! (see where I’m going with this?)

If you meet your New Years resolutions halfway anything is possible!  Don’t set yourself up to fail…cut your goals in half and Jedi mind trick yourself into accomplishing anything!!

Thanks to Emily at Xo Jane!

Read it, enjoy, comment on their site…and look at the other great articles they have.

Yay!

http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-me/ihtm-i-was-bogus-phone-psychic

Thanks Hef, for taking the time out of your night with your girlfriends to send me a personal holiday wish!

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So it’s that time after the holidays between Christmas and New Years where it’s just like…blah.  I am happy to say that I barely consumed ANY Christmas candy this holiday season, but rather I ate massive amounts of meat and potatoes while I was home.  Literally, MASSIVE amounts..varying in the form of cheeseburgers, beef brisket, mashed potatoes, french fries, chips, etc…I have less than a week to “shape up” so I can look good in my work uniform again…

Until next time…follow me on twitter please.  If you’re nice I’ll follow back.

www.twitter.com/WorldOfRandi 

Can’t wait for 2012…I’m officially on holiday break now until the new year which means I can eat more than I should, and not have to worry about looking amazing in spandex for about two weeks.  Or deal with any sort of crazy Los Angeles traffic!

What’s the latest on my plans for 2012…this is gonna be an awesome year with a lot of surprises in store.

Get ready Hong Kong!!!!

Other than that, I’m planning a botox excursion…anyone interested?  Let me know…I’m also living for Benetint by Benefit.  Did you know it was originally made for an exotic dancer back in the day…who knew…now you do.